ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
