Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
