Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
