so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
