I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And my parents said I crawled through the house
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
