the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
