Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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