And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
