I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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