But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
