just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
