Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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