he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
