You're my little dorito
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
