Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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