I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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