oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
