I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
