Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
