so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
