Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
