Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
