Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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