the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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