If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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