We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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