that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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