I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
