he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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