You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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