I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
