We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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