My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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