I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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