I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
