I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
