she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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