At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You can't special order awesome
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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