You made me cry and you don't even care
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
