You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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