I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
