Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i need some magic done to my vagina
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
