and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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