new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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