I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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