My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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