OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
