no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just pee around me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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