hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
