im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
