hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
